5 demons you will have to fight as long as you are married

I believe in happily ever after. But the road to get there is not necessarily paved with gold. “Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must have at its foundation, mature love and not romanticism.” True marriage thrives on a willingness to work hard and a resolve to fight for all the promises that marriage holds. In this post, I highlight five obstacles to happily ever after:

1. Unhappiness

A sense of happiness is very essential to the overall health of your marriage. Without it, the doors swing wide open to infidelity, anger, and divorce. The problem with happiness though, it comes and it goes. Finding a way to bring it back by intentionally working on the things that make you happy is key to a successful marriage. Gary Thomas asked a very powerful question in his book Sacred Marriage that I think is a starting point to understanding happiness in marriage. He asked, “What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy?” I believe if we are seeking holiness in our marriage it will produce the happiness we so deeply long for. In fact, I insist here that pursuing holiness in Christ is the key to finding happiness in every area of life.

2. Preconceived Notions

It is painful and frustrating to know that your spouse has a preconceived idea about you. They hold a false perception about you, your leadership style, decision-making process, parenting skills, work ethics, choices, friendships, handling of conflict and communication style that can destroy your relationship. You get to hear it when there is a fight. No matter how much they say they didn’t mean what they said, you get to know what they really think about you. They take something you did or said in the past to define who you are in the present and decide what you are going to do in the future. But it is important to unconditionally believe in one another, speak the truth to one another and give each other the benefit of the doubt before making assumptions.

3. Greener grass syndrome

This one is a very dangerous problem that many couples deal with no matter where they are in their marriage. We all tend to imagine how great things would be if we were on the other side of the fence. The way to defeat this is to remember that the “greener grass syndrome” is just an illusion. The root of this problem is lust and greed. Lust never satisfies. It is full of empty promises. It leaves you wanting and lusting after more. It is important to intentionally and continually nurture your relationship so that it thrives and brings the deep satisfaction you can find nowhere else.

4. Un-forgiveness

Un-forgiveness, in my estimation, is the most stubborn and difficult problem to conquer in a relationship. It’s like a wound that didn’t properly heal and every new offense is like a knife piercing the scab off that wound. If there is any time you are going to need a supernatural intervention in your marriage it is when you need to give or receive forgiveness. So, draw strength from The Lord, give it away liberally. With the measure you give it, it will be given back to you.

5. The little foxes

These are the little things we do to each other every day that adds up over time. Selfishness, disrespect, inattention, unkindness, impatience, grudges, resentments, rudeness, arrogance and lack of trust will destroy a marriage in the long run. But Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Your marriage can thrive; you can have a happily ever after. Are you willing to fight for it?

If you need prayer or somebody to talk with… we are here!

7 Ways to improve your marriage right now!

Take ownership and personal responsibility for all your actions.

The easiest thing to do when your relationship goes sour is to play the blame game. This only leads to more headache. The godly thing to do is just own up to your personal faults and everything will begin to fall in place.

Pray, pray, pray! Jesus is able to make it work

A lot of marriages fail because too much trust is placed on marriage counseling. As good as counseling is – (you should get it at all cost), you will need God to work in it. Also, marriages fail because we expect our counselor to fix our partner. God is the only one who can do stuff like that. The sooner you realize that neither you nor your counselor can fix your spouse, prayer will become your priority. Sometimes we just give up before truly seeking his help. Until we can all realize that he has the power to fix things, even the most difficult things, we may never experience divine breakthroughs in our marriages.

Communicate in a way that makes your spouse feel safe

By default, when we feel attacked all our defense mechanisms kick in. But again, this leads to more trouble. I recently learned that “it is not about right or wrong. It is about communicating with integrity. Because “when you feel understood, you feel cared for.” That’s the thing that makes a great marriage.

Establish a no loser policy

As a general rule, in any decision or after any discussion, both spouses must emerge winners. The experts say you need to set up a “no loser policy.” Both spouses must come up with a decision that they feel really good about. It is not acceptable for anyone to walk away feeling as though they have lost.

Go out of your way to please and serve one another

Every one of us come into relationship with expectations. When those expectations are not met, we begin to demand that they are met. This alone puts lots of strain on the relationship. There will be times when pleasing or serving your spouse will be difficult, but If both of you have a servant’s attitude, there is no way you can go wrong.

Understand you own fears and the baggage you bring to the relationship

Most of us grew up in very dysfunctional families, but it really doesn’t matter if you were raised in a broken home or a highly functional home. When two people come together, they bring different dynamics to the relationship. An awareness of personal flaws can help you adjust well.

Highly Esteem your Spouse

One of the reasons we do not succeed in our relationships is because we fail to place much value and worth on our spouse. We become too familiar with them and soon begin to devalue them because of their flaws. We must resist that temptation and learn to highly esteem them by focusing on positive attributes and not the negative ones.

If you need prayer or somebody to talk to – We are here!

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